Ice Brought into Canadian Man's Home; Future of Blog Questioned

MONTPELIER, VT – After cracking open his third Molson Ice, a palpable pall of existential dread reportedly fell over the league's media wing this week. Its sole correspondent, the manager of the Punters, is grappling with a crushing defeat dropping him to 7th place and has allegedly held a self-vote of no-confidence, leaving the future of the league's official blog in serious jeopardy.

The crisis appears to stem from a deep-seated desire for validation from his American colleagues.

“I just want the American guys to think I’m cool, eh? Guys with names like Brad and Gary—we don’t have those in Canada. There’s even a Richard, and they pronounce it ‘Rich-erd,’ not like ‘Ree-chawr’ like back home,” he was overheard lamenting. “Now I’m in 7th place. I can’t go into the elevator at National Life and just be like, ‘Good-n-you? Ate expensive burrito. Tough loss for les Patriotes, eh? Oh, and me, I’m in 7th place.’”

The sudden collapse has not gone unnoticed at home. "Just last week, things were different," his beautiful and talented wife reported. "He wanted the blog traffic, he thought if he could fool people into thinking he understood how American football worked, they would like him. Every Wednesday he’d spend around three hours at Aubuchon with Tip, setting his lineup and going over the rules of the game while playing Tecmo Bowl on an NES stashed in the back room. But after this first loss, his swagger just evaporated. I don't know if he's even going to post this week. Justin came over and brought some Molson Ice, and they've been watching Red Green Show reruns in the basement with Katy."

Around the League in Week 3:

In other news, Professor McCornDicks now stands as the league's lone undefeated team. In a stunning reversal of his own religious movement, Fly Eagles Fly manager moved his Penix out of the Superflex position; and despite a meager 3.5 Penix showing, he still managed to defeat Remember Myron Guyton. In the week's main event, the Commissioning White Knucklers handed the Rusty Hambones their first defeat of the season, after which the victorious Commissioner in his Jalen Hurts jersey posted a six-minute, full-throated performance of R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" to the league message board.