Montpelier Man Puts Penix in Superflex Position

MONTPELIER, VT – History was made in the league this week. In a stunning, Tuttle-vs-McMullen upset, the long-suffering franchise Brady's Balls, fresh off a 1-13 season, toppled the reigning champion Grundlers. It was a legendary win that should have been the talk of the town.

But it wasn't. The historic achievement was utterly and completely overshadowed by the move pulled by Gary, manager of Fly Eagles Fly.

"It's a total blackout. I pulled off a miracle, and for what?" the manager of Brady's Balls lamented Tuesday night. "I'm trying to get some recognition for a historic win, but it's impossible. Apparently, nobody cares about Balls when Gary puts his Penix in the Superflex. My victory is completely irrelevant."

He's not wrong. The source of this league-wide delusion is Gary's one successful move in a sea of managerial incompetence. While his star receiver A.J. Brown posted a pathetic 1.30 points and the rest of his roster collapsed, his uncomfortable Superflex play, Michael Penix Jr., delivered a stunning 23.02 points. Despite losing his matchup decisively, the league has chosen to ignore the final score and instead lionize the one thing that went right.

"Look, the scoreboard doesn't tell the whole story," Gary stated in a press conference he held for himself in his driveway. "We came out here and we established the Penix. That was the game plan. We executed on that front. It was a huge moral victory for the franchise."

The Wife-Defeating Grundlers manager offered his own stunning confession. "Gary is playing 4D-chess with his Penix," he wrote in a rambling, emotional post on the league message board. "Here I was, with my Tua T. in the Superflex, getting it Brady’s Balls deep—when I had a perfectly good Chubb on the bench the entire time.” The statement, which completely contradicts his earlier "Yin-Yang" justification, has left the Hambones debating whether this is a genuine strategic epiphany or a cry for help.

Adding to the chorus of opinions, the manager of the Revolutionaries posted, "Viva!"

The move even impressed the manager of ‘Remember Myron Guyton’, whose team is famously named after a sex move popularized in the early 1920s. "Good heavens," he stated, offering his stunned admiration. "I haven't seen a public display that brazen since Mad Taco raised their prices! No subtlety, no preamble, just... right there in the lineup. It's scandalous, it's brilliant, I’m both impressed and deeply offended. Capital stuff!"

The lone voice of reason came from the Commissioning White Knucklers, who seemed utterly exhausted by the discourse. "Look, we're all very impressed that Gary can Superflex his dong like that," the commissioner wrote in a terse, league-wide statement. "But the fact remains he still lost the week badly. It doesn't count for anything."

His plea for sanity was summarily ignored. The league has made its decision: it is better to lose beautifully with a prominent Penix than to win at all. With the reigning champion already preparing his 'Chubb' counter-offensive, the league now holds its breath to see what comes next.